Attitudes for Living with Dogs June 8, 2008

 A peaceful moment with the Brother’s Grin, 5 months old

Reading another blog that had a list of dog owner habits inspired me to write one myself. I posted this on BB’s blog, but I wanted to make a page of it here. It is so easy to forget that dogs are a totally different creature from humans. There are things besides food and water that they need from us, and we need from them. Sometimes the relationship gets a little one sided.

Patience: It’s alot more than a virtue, it’s a necessity. We get in such a hurry, don’t we? Hurry up and potty, I’ve got things to do…You know better than that, how many times to I have to tell you to leave the trash alone…I can’t play, I’m making dinner…I said stay! 

When it comes to dogs and puppies, it takes as long as it takes. They learn as fast as they learn. Pushing a dog to learn something actually slows them down, because they are so sensitive to the anxiousness in us. They don’t know it’s because they are going to a family reunion and you want to show off some tricks. Puppies who are yelled at, who frustrate us, won’t usually grow up into a calm and confident dog.

Dogs don’t understand the concept of living by a dayplanner. They like having a routine, but when they don’t feel good, insisting on playtime just doesn’t work. Some pups may take to a perfect heel on leash and never look back, but others will need you to teach them to pay attention, to go left, to stop when you stop.

BB hasn’t had more than 5 leash lessons in his life, and it shows. But those 5 lessons stuck, because he naturally pays attention and does what you want if you have the patience to show him. I don’t expect him to heel, I just don’t want him zigging and zagging around me and between my legs!

Kenai has has to learn to become aware of my movements on a leash. I have to tell him to go left, I’ve had to teach him that stopping when I stop means he doesn’t stand one step ahead of me. BB looks at you, but Kenai doesn’t. Just how it is. Heeling with Kenai takes patience and practice.

Something we could learn from dogs, at least on our days off, is that clocks are just things that click and ding, and calendars are just something you scribble on with a funny stick. 

Awareness: Your feelings go straight into your puppy’s observant eyes, and they react to it. If you are upset, they get upset. If you are happy, they are happy. If you don’t want to be bothered with them, they know it and are sad. Anyone who’s ever tried to walk a dog just to get it over with knows that neither one of you enjoyed it.

Often behavior we don’t understand comes from not being aware of what the dog is feeling. We scold a puppy who chews up their crate instead of teaching them it’s okay to be alone for awhile. We get even madder when the dog plays runaway instead of coming when we’re ticked off at him.

Getting irritable with a dog makes them anxious. Ever had a boss that rode your back every day, about every little thing? It’s no fun, and you wish you didn’t have to go to work. I made that mistake with Kenai, many times, and his behavior invariably goes down the toilet when I’m in a rush and cranky. Mom gets fussy with BB and it never fails that he first ignores her, and secondly goes wild doing what he wants!

Dogs have feelings too, and they don’t “reason” them away like us. If they’re sad, they don’t think “oh, tomorrow will be better”. If they are frustrated, they don’t stop to consider that “she’s just having a bad day”. Whatever a dog is feeling, he feels it fully, without the limitations we humans put on our feelings.

Awareness is sorely missing today because we don’t allow ourselves the time to feel our feelings, or just watch and interact with our dogs. We’re too busy, if our to-do list has replaced knowing ourselves and the creatures that have chosen to befriend us. They didn’t have to, you know. We don’t generally have pet groundhogs that want to be our pet.

Acceptance: We all want to be accepted for who we are, overlooking our flaws and enjoying our good points. Sometimes that gets lost when we look at our dogs. We wanted a quiet puppy, but the one we have is energetic and nosey. We bought a dog for agility trials, but the dog isn’t interested. We feel like having a good nap, but the dog wants to play. Without even knowing it, our best friend means less to us for not fitting the image of what we want them to be.

If we want a companion, we must be a companion in return. A companion dog is one that has your time, your attention, your play. A companion isn’t just somebody hanging around waiting for you to fill his food bowl. He is loved and accepted as irreplacable for what he gives us, not what we want from him. He will be a part of your activities, your family, and will have had room made for his personality in our hearts.

I had an image of Kenai being the confident and stubborn dog, but it turns out he is acutely sensitve to even minor corrections. He is sensitive enough to notice and react to very small changes in my mood. BB isn’t the sedate little pup Mom thought he was, having even more energy and mischief than his brother. Mom’s really struggling with this image of a puppy that isn’t BB.

We don’t take people as they are too easily, and that is human nature. The beautiful thing about dogs is that they take us as we are, and try their very best to adjust to us. We can correct habits we don’t like in them, like noisy barking, or the tendency to chew the wrong things. But we can’t make them into what they aren’t, anymore than we can a person.

Approach: If we are aware of ourselves and our dogs, if we have accepted them, then they teach us how best to approach their training and living with us. Some dogs need alot of gentleness, and others need more firmness to coexist with us. Yelling at a sensitive dog will injure their trust in you, where a stubborn dog might let it roll off his back.

Approaching our dogs should be done with respect for them as living creatures, and with an understanding of how we affect them. As a rule, dogs will respond best to an emotionally stable and confident person. Patience, enouragement, and training build a bond of trust and respect.

BB needs an approach that is happy and bright. He gets goofy when the person he’s interacting with is overly excited, irritated, or unhappy with him. He will do just about anything for affection and treats. Kenai needs a gentle touch, both calming and fun at the same time. If the correction is too harsh, or I’m really angry with him, he gets depressed.

Each dog has a personality that is his or her own. And each one has something to teach us, if we let them.

Joy: Joy is the currency of life in the dog world. It is why they play with a rock as happily as a $20 toy. It isn’t about the toy, it’s about the joy of being alive and being loved. If your dog’s eyes are sad or dull, pick up your own mood and let the dishes sit in the sink. Have yourselves a good long playtime. The joy will carry over…